You work out of a Hotel?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
