who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize