Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
