If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
