the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
