today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
