Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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