I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In other news, I just burned my penis
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
