He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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