i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
