I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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