look no pants
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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