I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
