I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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