I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
