Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
