I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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