My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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