just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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