Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
