doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
