Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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