My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
