i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
