Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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