just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
