Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
