what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
