My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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