Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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