i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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