if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
