im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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