i just had sex bonerless
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
