Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
