Pappa wants mamma naked
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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