She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
