Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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