I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
did you just send me my own nude
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
