Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
