plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
