My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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