Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
