I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
