I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
