you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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