my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
