thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Of course I have a pirate flag
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
