3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
