WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
