i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
