Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
