he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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