I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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