Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize