I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
