mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
