remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
