so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
