I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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