i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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