i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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