Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
