Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize