I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
