You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
