All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
