dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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