you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
