Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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