ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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