when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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