I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
