I need to stop coming to work sober
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
