Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think i got beer on your cat.
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