I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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