girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize