chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
